The Journey of a Surrogate: Ashley Frady’s Story
In this blog post, we are introducing you to Ashley, our Surrogacy Coordinator! She is such a blessing to our agency and we can’t wait for you to hear more about her story of how she was a surrogate two times!
What prompted you to consider becoming a surrogate?
When I was pregnant with my second child, some close friends of ours received heartbreaking news: their two-year-old daughter had been diagnosed with Neuroblastoma. I had been a part of her life since birth, and in November of 2008, just a couple of months before her third birthday, Rachel passed away.
Her mother had experienced a difficult pregnancy, and it was unsafe for her to carry another child. Without even fully understanding surrogacy at the time, my heart spoke before my mind, and I told them that if they ever wanted to try again, I would carry their baby for them. Having recently lost my brother, this family had shown me immense support, and all I wanted to do was return that love in any way possible.
You’ve been a surrogate twice— were there any differences in the two journeys?
Absolutely! My first journey was with an older set of Intended Parents—the Intended Father was 60, and the Intended Mother was in her 50s. Their embryos were not tested, and we endured multiple miscarriages. We went through five rounds of IVF, resulting in one failed transfer, two chemical pregnancies, one blighted ovum pregnancy, and finally, success—a beautiful baby girl.
My second journey was completely different. The transfer worked on the first try, and I became pregnant with twins!
If you could do it again, is there anything you would do differently?
I wish I had placed myself in the Intended Mother’s shoes sooner. With the twin pregnancy, I was so sick and scared, and I didn’t immediately realize that she was too. Our relationship was strained for a couple of months because neither of us knew how to communicate our fears. I hadn’t fully considered how much she had sacrificed to allow someone else to carry her children.
What is your one piece of advice for someone considering becoming a surrogate?
This can be one of the most beautiful journeys you’ll ever experience outside of building your own family. Take the time to form bonds with your Intended Parents and truly get to know their story. They have endured so much loss to get to this point. Make sure they feel like this pregnancy is their pregnancy, too.
Do you keep in contact with the families you were a surrogate for?
I am incredibly lucky in this aspect. I talk to the first family I carried for at least twice a month and see them a couple of times a year. The Intended Mother from my second journey is now my very best friend—we talk daily, and I have two very special “nephews.”
Ashley and the twins she delivered while in the hospital.
Some Surrogates Have a Nickname for the Baby/Babies They’re Carrying. Did You Have One?
Yes! In my first journey, we called her “Little,” and for my second journey, the twins were “Bucket and Bird.”
How has being a surrogate changed your life?
During my twin pregnancy, I went into preterm labor due to a massive subchorionic hematoma. After weeks in the hospital, the twins were born at 27 weeks and 4 days. I spent every day in the NICU with them and their mom—bringing breast milk, helping with kangaroo care, and being her support person. Over the 87 days in the NICU, we became close with the social worker, who one day told me how much joy our journey brought her. Seeing two women fighting so hard together for each other and these babies made her smile.
I asked her endless questions about her job, and she encouraged me to return to school for social work. Inspired, I enrolled in classes as soon as the twins were released from the hospital. Fast forward four years, and I graduated from Converse University with a Bachelor’s Degree in Child and Family Studies and a minor in American Sign Language.
My Intended Parents and “Bucket and Bird” were there to celebrate my graduation with me!
My journeys have given me so much more than just friendships. They led me to my college degree, my “nephews” who filled a void after losing my only sibling, and even my current career. My internship led to a job at Await Surrogacy, where I now have the opportunity to work with many surrogates and help families become whole.
Fun fact: My boss at Await Surrogacy has the same name as my late brother, a daily reminder that I am exactly where I am meant to be. I am so excited to continue making a difference and helping families through the incredible gift of surrogacy!